i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
