My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
