I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she smelled like a LAN party
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
