he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
