Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
