Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
