did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
