I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
