i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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