You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
