Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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