All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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