I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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