my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
