I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
