I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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