the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
