apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
