I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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