After last night, I could never be a politician.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
