Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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