how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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