apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
