Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
