my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
