what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my sisters under your porch take her home
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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