OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
