I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
