i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
