then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
