I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
