Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
