hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
