$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
