I'm jealous of your bromance
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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