That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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