We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
