An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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