Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Too much gin, very little bucket
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
