he was CRYING into my vagina
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
