Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
