Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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