that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
