This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
