She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
