just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
