Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
