it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
