you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
