Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
