Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
