I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
