Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
