it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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